Happy Birthday Honey Bee.

How can you describe a changed world?

How can you explain to someone what it means to have a true broken heart? A heart that was once filled with unconditional love and happiness.A heart that had immense hope, and strength.....once. 

In a year, I have learned what it felt like to lose all hope, lose all faith, lose a beautiful soul.

I have learned what fear really feels like, that gut twisting pain, that fear floods in.I have cried enough tears to fill allllllllllll the oceans of the world, and its still filling up.I have lived through hell....and here i am...still standing.

I have conquered because i was chosen.Chosen to love, raise, and learn from a little bitty miracle.

Welcome to the world.I was waiting for you.

Welcome to my arms my love.You were under my heart for 9 months, and now i finally get to kiss you, feel you, hold you,squeeze you.You didnt have to fight Erawyn, mommy was ready to fight for you.You were to just sleep and relax.Mommy had it covered. I knew God chose me because he knew my heart was strong enough....I gave it my all.I promise EllaBee.I promise.

That first year was such a task wasnt it? Geez! Talk about testing your faith huh? But you know what EllaBee, We did it! You were a fighter like mommy.You took a beating and you made it look effortless.I admired you.I appreciated you.I never took anything for granted.Every milestone was the greatest day of my life.You made me so very proud.Im deeply in love with you.I knew from the day you were born that we were soul mates.You were made for me, here on Earth...and beyond the clouds.

Happy 1st birthday Erawyn Jizelle <3

WE MADE IT! 

No mother in the world was more in love with their child as i was that day.I planned that day down to the T.I wanted EVERYTHING perfect for you.You deserved perfection and thats what you received.I couldnt believe that we made it this far.After all we went through, all the hospital vists, lung collapse scares, feeding issues, not growing.....You did it.

We were both ready for this new journey.we strapped on our belts and pressed go.

I enjoyed life with you.You always amazed me.It was never a dull moment.Everyday was an adventure.You were growing so fast and I was right there, holding your hand.You learned to smile, and boy...that day melted my heart.You had the most gorgeous smile i had EVER seen.I would do anything to catch that smile...and you were such a sucker.you always fell for my tricks lol.You LOVED my tickles and toe nibbling...and of course i was a sucker to think you were to one who enjoyed it more.

Happy 2nd Birthday Princess.

You were starting to realise life.You werent a little baby anymore.You were walking, talking (boy, i could NOT get you to shut up) and getting into EVERYTHING.The funny thing was, i let you do whatever you wanted.I told myself, let her be.Let this little warrior do whatever the hell she wanted to.Yeah its 10pm, let her have a sip of your soda.Yeah shes 9am, let her have hot cheetos...i understand shes 2, but she WILL sleep with me.That pretty much summed up that huh lol.You ruled this house and noone stopped you.You had me wrapped in your cute little pinky and i didnt care.Your happiness was all that matter to me.I would literally run to you when i heard a single tear come out from those beautiful eyes.My baby was NOT gonna cry.oooohhhhh no...not my ellabee.Mommy was always there to rescue you.Spoiled???? i think not..more like loved a 100000000 times over.

Happy 3rd birthday love of my life.

Look how beautiful you are.Perfection.

I cant believe we made it! I cried this day.I was so happy i cried.I couldnt help myself.I was so proud of you, of all you battles you conquered and all the new journeys you were about to face.Your face,personality and heart were growing and i was right there to witness it.How could god have created a more precious soul? i held, loved and appreciated his work.And he chose me.I was so blessed.I was deeply honored.

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Happy 4th birthday my Sweet Angel.

You are in heaven now. I spent this last year dreaming about you.I spent this last year wishing you were here.I spent this last year loving you.I spent this year in covered in tears.I spent this last year spreading your story,helping people see what true love and strength really felt like.I spent this last year changing lives.I spent this past year learning who you really were.I spent this past year finding out that I...yes your mommy, loved and raised a chosen Angel.

When you blow out your candles today, wish for a castle.One filled with popsicles and pickles.Wish for something silly EllaBee.Be free.I wanted you to wish on anything you want.Dont think twice.There are no regrets in heaven.

I love you Erawyn Jizelle.

Happy Sweet Birthday love.